CANCER, there I said it . I've said it a few times, but it sounds foreign to me -like speaking a completely new language and being overwhelmed by strange words registering in my brain. 15 years ago I was diagnosed with colon cancer. 15 years that seem like yesterday but how life has changed since then. My kids were still under my roof, my parents still alive on earth. My face had much less wrinkles, and I won't even talk about what gravity has done in my body.15 years on earth longer than last time I walked this road, and yet it seems like I just did this. How to come to grips with a word that instills fear and trembling ?How to come to grips with giving up more of my body to a disease that has no right to ask for more of me?
Where do I start? And if I'm honest will you judge me? Are you looking for a feel good story?
If my story can help you read on, if not close my thoughts , avoid them and move on.
June 1st shoulder surgery, routine right? No biggy? So I thought it would be. Before going under the knife I was told there was something wrong with my blood, go see your GP as soon as possible. Wait , what? I woke up sick and scared. Two days later I was at my GP, my blood work indicated internal bleeding. My cycle to bring children into the world had long ago stopped beating. Where was this bleeding coming from? Although our thoughts went straight to cancer, my doctor and I couldn't confirm results without a colonscopy. And even though our thoughts went there our heart and mind didn't go there. Like when you've done everything to starve yourself and your bathroom scale shows you are up 5 pounds. My life felt out of control.I was terrified. I called the elders of the Church to ask for prayer and oil of anointing for healing. I even sent out a fleece, yes I was very brazen, very outside of my box, very open instead of finding a quiet corner and whimpering alone, I called for help. My fleece was to ask for someone to speak over me in tongues. A mighty tall order since I had never before experienced or heard someone do this. And there in the prayer room of NLCC church God met me in my deepest fear and provided a willing soul to speak to me and remind me God was in control and I was going to be okay. He has this , He God has this. How overwelming is that? I can't have this journey , I can't walk it again, but God has it. Later that day another dear friend of mine was used to speak into my life. She unknowingly spoke of hope at a bridal shower for a new bride . Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for hope and a future. I have it marked in my Bible.August 16, 1993 -a promise from God -my child I got this. So I had my colonscopy confirm my worst fears, and I thought Lord I can't do this again. I know you got this- but I'm not sure I can handle it again. And then another Friend came along side me and organised a day of prayer and fasting -intervention , coming before God on behalf of me. Because I know He's got this, but I'm too weak to handle this on my own. And again I was overwhelmed by people saying it's okay Marg we got this with you. We will stand by you . We got this too. And so I wait for the doctors to be used by God. He's got this , He knows the plan I don't. My CT scan revealed no cancer spread to my organs, I'm good to go for surgery. He's got this. Am I afraid, you better believe it. They are removing my whole colon. I suspect I have that for a reason. It's an eerie feeling having something so major being removed from your body. And wondering what my future will look like. I liked the way things were. I do know He's got this. My Saviour, My Lord he's got this. And He has a plan for you to, maybe it's to help me , maybe to help someone else. Make sure to put into action what is asked of you. I know he's got this and you just might be the one to show me He does.
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